White Balance Page 4

  Cody said, “Wha?” dropping the t. He made it sound like he was mortally offended for no good reason.

  Aiden eye-rolled before he could stop himself. “Eat.”

  “You shouldn’t laugh at me.”

  “Why not? You’re funny.”

  “You’re s’posed to be a good example.”

  “I’m not supposed to be anything. I’m not supposed to be here. Why did you come?”

  Cody shrugged. A big movement from one bony shoulder with puckered chin to go with it.

  “That’s it, that’s all I get? A non-verbal response.”

  Cody did a non-verbal hair toss. He added, “What do you care?”

  “You’re right, I don’t.” Aiden picked up the newspaper again, and when Cody said, “If you don’t care why did you come?” he looked over the banner headline at the kid. “God knows. But I won’t be coming again. This is the last free feed you get from me.”

  “Cool, dude. Don’t be a stress-head.”

  “You’re right again, kid. See, you don’t need a big brother, just better table manners.”

  “You could teach me table manners.”

  Face behind the paper Aiden said, “No. I couldn’t.”

  “So why’d you complain about ‘em?”

  “That was an observation, not a complaint.”

  “You know a lot of big words.”

  Over the top of the paper Aiden said, “I know a lot of gestures too.” He saw a moment of panic flare in the one eye Scowl’s fringe didn’t cover.

  The kid said, “Will you still pay for my lunch?”

  “Keep your hair on. I said I would.”

  Aiden lifted the paper again. He could hear Scowl chewing, his lips occasionally smacking. He hid his amusement in a story about whale migration. When he looked up Cody was gone.

  And so was his mobile phone.

  “Hey, that kid took your phone,” said the blonde waitress, hands jammed on her hips, eyes switching from Aiden to the street outside where there was no sign of Cody.

  He said, “I know, and it’s the second time,” and he could see the waitress was confused by the fact he was smiling.

  ●

  Olivia flung herself at him so hard Aiden stumbled backwards a few steps, then caught her to him and hugged her close. She was soft and silky and smelled of White Linen, like Shannon sometimes had. He gripped her so firmly it must’ve been uncomfortable.

  He said, “Please don’t cry,” feeling Olivia’s body vibrating under his hands, and knowing Blake was in the hallway behind them. His own eyes were wet and his voice shook. And this is exactly why he hated coming here. Exactly why he’d stopped. Too many memories, even after all this time.

  Before it got too awkward, Olivia swatted his backside and broke away, wiping her eyes. “Dinner in half an hour,” she said, taking his hand and tugging him into the house.

  Blake said dryly, “Mauling my wife. Classy start to the evening,” as Olivia swept past. But his mock outrage was tempered by eyes that didn’t focus on Aiden, skating unfixed around the wide hallway instead.

  In the big open plan kitchen there was the smell of seafood and Bic Runga on the stereo. Aiden knew the album from a few years back was called Try to Remember Everything. It made him walk straight through the room and onto the back deck where he made a fuss of Glory so they couldn’t see he was struggling to act normally.

  Blake followed him out and said nothing for a while, just watched him roughhouse the dog. “It would be easier if you didn’t shut yourself away.”

  Aiden gave the dog’s silky black ears a tug. He stayed bent forward, not looking at Blake. “I’m not. I told you I was busy, the change of job. I’ve not had the time to kick around.”

  “Bullshit.”

  He straightened up. “What do you want me to say, Blake? How about looking at Olivia reminds me so much of Shannon it makes me feel sick.”

  “If that’s what you need to say, then yeah. You’ve got to...”

  Aiden cut Blake off. “Got to what, mate? You’re going to say something profound aren’t you? Something you’ve read in some grief counselling pamphlet.”

  “How about something the counsellor told Olivia?”

  “Olivia’s been to a counsellor? Is she ok?”

  “She’s fine. She misses Shannon. They were best friends from the time they were toddlers. She’s known her longer than you have.”

  Aiden broke eye contact. That’s why being with Olivia was so hard. He kept seeing her laughing with Shannon over clothing or recipes, or the social events they planned for the four of them.

  “She misses you too. You’re the last link she has. And you’ve been dodging us for eight months. Too busy, not available, missing in action.” Blake inclined his head towards the house, where Olivia was straining pasta over the sink. “It’s not fair on her, mate.”

  “I’m not good company.”

  “We don’t care if you come in here and punch walls or sob your guts up. We don’t need you on your best behaviour. We’ll take whatever you’ve got. I let you have time alone, I thought you needed it, but that’s it. I’m in your face now and I’m not backing off, and I’m doing it for Olivia as much as for you.”

  “Always were a despot.”

  “Got the t-shirt to prove it.” Blake inclined his head towards the house again and said with a grin, “Though it’s a bit tight. She won’t let me wear it anymore.”

  Aiden laughed, reached over to pat Blake’s once washboard stomach. “I’ll have to get you a new one in XXL.” He knew Shannon’s design for the shirt they’d made for Blake would be neatly filed in the office at home. He also knew his resolve to dig it out wouldn’t survive the effort it would take to sit in her chair at her desk and go through her well ordered filing cabinet. The last time he’d looked at her files it had been to call her clients to let them know the news. They’d all been expecting such good news and he’d had to tell them something entirely unexpected instead.

  By the time Olivia called them to the table he’d recovered enough to insist they took the girly crap off the stereo and played something with a bit of muscle. He suggested the Cold Chisel album, No Plans. Perversely appropriate, and got hooted at by both of them for his musical taste. He’d recovered enough to smile at Olivia, give Blake stick about his love handles and make them laugh about Scowl and the two stolen mobile phones.

  Together they fell into old patterns, familiar riffs and half remembered discussions. He drank too much and got loud. And over homemade pecan pie, he got maudlin and made Olivia cry again. Then he insisted on clearing up after the meal and broke a good wine glass. He would’ve found a way to leave but Blake hid his keys, and he’d only have to come back in the morning for his car if he got a cab, so he lay on their new couch and stared at the skylight and the black beyond it until he finally slept with Glory lying on the floor alongside him.

  In the morning, Olivia made him an omelette to go with two headache tablets, and told him she’d hunt him down and hurt him if he disappeared on them again. And Blake made him a job offer that was too good to refuse, but too hard to take.

  6: If Hugh & Scarlett are Busy

  Olivia threw a ratty, slobby tennis ball over Glory’s head and the big lump of dog brought it back and sat at her feet waiting for another throw. Sitting beside her on the edge of the deck, Blake waited too. He could tell by the look on Glory’s mug that the whole world was a saliva sodden, fluoro yellow sphere, and by the look on Olivia’s that words were brewing.

  Olivia threw the ball and Glory pelted off to the edge of the garden to fetch it. “Bear, he’s not good.”

  She didn’t mean the dumb dog. “He doesn’t look so great, but I think he’s ok.”

  “He looks dreadful. He’s lost way too much weight, and there’s so much grey in his hair now. I’m really worried about him. How can you say he’s ok?”

  “Liv, I have to believe he’s ok.”

  Olivia threw the ball again. “Shannon would be insane with wor
ry if she could see him.”

  “Ah, come on. He’s not that bad. He really has been busy. Since he took on the MD job he’s completely turned CAT Group’s Sydney office around. They’re taking business off me. Me! New York thinks he’s the golden boy. If he was seriously depressed he wouldn’t be fronting for work, let alone kicking arse.”

  “His eyes are dull.”

  “He wasn’t wearing his contacts.”

  “It’s not the contacts. He’s gorgeous in those glasses. It’s his eyes.”

  “What do you mean gorgeous?”

  Olivia smiled and gently pulled Glory’s tail. “You’re not jealous?”

  “I am. I’ve got fat and Aid looks more, I don’t know, distinguished, interesting.”

  “Sexy.”

  “Livy.” His voice came out a whine, and the dog gave him the evil eye.

  “Oh come on.”

  “Why would I feel good about you lusting after my best mate?”

  “I don’t lust after him. I’m worried about him. I lust after you.” Olivia looked him smack in the face and laughed.

  “You’d be more credible if you weren’t laughing.”

  “I’m not laughing,” she laughed.

  Blake shook his head. “I know what you’re saying. Aid’s doing it tough still and yeah he probably is depressed. But he’s functioning and he’s not suicidal.”

  “Are you sure? I couldn’t sleep last night for thinking about him.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. I got up twice to check on him. He’s brittle. He was never like that. He was always so even tempered and smooth. Now he’s impatient and angry all the time.”

  “Really, you got up and checked on him. What was he doing?”

  “Oh don’t sound like that. He wasn’t doing anything. He was sleeping.”

  “What do I sound like?”

  Olivia lobbed the ball high and Glory snatched it, standing on her back legs. “A big kid.”

  “I am a big kid.”

  “No. You’re not. You’re about to be a takeover tycoon and you’ve just offered Aid a partnership, and what if he’s not up to it?”

  “He’s up to it.”

  “Blake, what if he’s not?”

  “He is.”

  “Oh God, Bear, we could lose the house if this goes sour.”

  “We’re not going to lose the house.” Of course that’s exactly what would happen if things didn’t work out the way Blake wanted them to, but there was plenty of time to worry about which trailer park to live in.

  “If you can’t rely on Aid, if he can’t take the pressure, then what?”

  “Liv, he hasn’t agreed to do it yet.”

  “Oh God. He has to.”

  “Are you listening to yourself?”

  Olivia sighed and tossed the ball, then sagged sideways. Blake put his arm around her shoulders and she snuggled in to him. “Bear, I don’t want him hurt anymore. And I don’t know what’s best for him.”

  “That’s why he has to decide for himself. I’ll be gutted if he doesn’t come in on this, but he knows what’s at stake. And I have to trust if he doesn’t think he’s up for it, he won’t come on board, because he won’t want to fuck it up.”

  “You and Aid will be invincible together.”

  “That’s why I want this. We’ve wanted to work together since uni. Now is the right time, so long as Aid wants it too.”

  “I’m scared for him.”

  “I know babe, me too. But we have to let him do this his way. We smothered him when Shannon died. He needed space.”

  “But not this much.”

  “I know. I got distracted, but I’m on him again now. You do know he has trouble dealing with you.”

  “I make him think of Shannon.”

  “Yeah.”

  Olivia sighed, “He makes me think of her too.” She dropped her head on his shoulder and they sat that way for a bit, Glory looking from one to the other in anticipation of some fetch action, until she got bored and slumped at Liv’s feet.

  He should slump at her feet as well. God he loved this woman. She was his saliva sodden, fluoro yellow sphere. She was the whole reason he felt confident about expanding the business, about chasing the biggest clients, about being fat. She was his flip side; steady when he was unsure, cautious when he was headstrong. She was his strong cup of tea, his long glass of water, his deep rest, his pill of joy. She was his spine stiffener and his unconditional forgiveness.

  And that’s exactly how Aid had felt about Shannon.

  Blake didn’t know how Aid was still walking and talking. That the guy had transformed the local office of a global company into one of its highest profit centres while he was dying inside was beyond Blake’s comprehension.

  If it was Olivia who’d died instead of Shannon, he’d have probably parked it somewhere till he keeled over from hunger and overexposure. Or he’d have driven the Merc off a cliff, or overdosed on something, or found some rope and a high point, or bought a gun and eaten it. He didn’t think he’d be able to face the world without Liv. There was no world without Liv.

  “Livy, if I died would you go with Aid?”

  Olivia twisted her head around to look at him in the fading afternoon light. “What?”

  “You know, if I like, died and Hugh Jackman wasn’t available would you want to be with Aid?”

  She pulled back so she could scrutinise him. “Blake?”

  “Well?”

  “What do you want me to say?”

  “I want you to say you’d get on with your life and you wouldn’t shut down like Aid has. I want you to say you’d wait for Hugh Jackman. But I’d be ok if you said you wanted to be with Aid.”

  “I might wait for Hugh Jackman.”

  “I’m being serious.”

  “So am I.”

  “Aid needs to rebuild his private life. He needs to find a way to be happy again. I’d want that for you too if something happened to me.”

  “Bear, nothing is going to happen to you. What happened to Shannon was a terrible accident.”

  “Terrible accidents happen.”

  Olivia moved to hug him. He said, “Please don’t touch me with the hand that’s been in Glory’s slobber.” But she did anyway, bringing her dry hand to his well insulated ribs and her lips to his jaw. She kissed a dotted line up to his mouth, and he forgot about the dog slobber and concentrated on the taste of his wife; sugar like the fruit tart she’d just made, fresh like flowers and so fricking hot that even after eleven years together he was amazed to have her in his life. This morning after Aid had gone, she’d dragged him back to bed and she’d been all about making him happy, and he knew it was partly about the survivor guilt they both still felt.

  “Tell me you’d make a new life, Liv.”

  She buried her head in the crock of his neck. “I’m not having this conversation.”

  “I need this conversation. You’re right, Aid isn’t good. He looks worn down and hard and it’s like he’s forgotten what to do with sunshine and how to laugh, and he’s making himself go through the motions so no one will notice he’s not ok.”

  “He’s living dead.”

  “That’s exactly what I mean.”

  Olivia pulled away, draped her arms over his shoulders. “Ok, if you die while I’m still in love with you, I’ll check in with Hugh. And if he’s not available, and Aid has gotten his life back together again, then yes, I’ll think about being with Aid—whatever that actually means. Now what about you?”

  “Scarlett.”

  “You didn’t hesitate.”

  Blake grinned at Olivia’s blinked outrage. She was ten times more beautiful to him than Scarlett Johansson, even in her dirty gardening clothes with her hair all scraggly and needing a wash, and the musty smell of fertiliser on her skin. “I’d lose some weight first. I wouldn’t want to put her off or anything.”

  “You know that thing I said about still loving you?”

  He wrapped his arms around her and pulled he
r hard against his chest. Seeing the state Aid was in and how hard he’d worked to hide it had been tough. Seeing how it hurt Olivia had been tougher. His throat was tight. He’d needed this conversation but it was harder than he’d expected it to be

  Olivia said, “Bailey.”

  “Yeah, I need to call her about getting her to help out, thanks for the reminder.”

  “No, I’d want you to be with Bailey.”

  “Bailey!”

  “Yes. She’d be right for you. She wouldn’t take any crap, and she’s so strong and steady. When you worked together you used to finish each other sentences. She knew exactly what you wanted, before you asked for it. She was pretty much your corporate wife anyway. She’d be a good balance for you.”

  “Bailey. You’re kidding!”

  “No. Don’t tell me you’ve never thought about it.”

  “Liv, honestly I’ve never thought about it. You know I adore Bailey—but it’s not like that with us.”

  “Which is exactly the way I feel about Aid.”

  “Oh. Oh God, Liv! Are you ok about me wanting to bring her on board?”

  “Of course. I love Bailey too and I trust her with my husband.”

  “You do.”

  “God, yes. You’re all talk. If she so much as flirted with you, you’d run a mile.”

  “Shit yeah, she can be scary.”

  “Because she understands all your weaknesses, and she’s less forgiving than me.”

  “I don’t have any weaknesses.”

  “Of course, dear.”

  “Bailey, huh. Interesting. But no way.”

  Blake had known Bailey for longer than he’d known Olivia, for almost as long as he’d known Aid. She was the best producer he’d ever worked with. Bailey was the reason his first TV commercials won awards and his customer events pulled in big name clients. She took his raw ideas, from singing dogs, to patterns of falling dominoes made of car parts and made them real. And while Blake’s star as a Director rose and the opportunities rolled in, Bailey tucked her head down and worked on and wished him well.